Keeping the Peace This Holiday Season: Enjoying the Festivities Without the Stress

How to Manage Conflict This Holiday Season

For some, the holidays are about love, family and joy. Others it’s a time of stress, conflict and old wounds coming to surface.

Whatever your holiday experience, all families are prone to tension, and during the holiday season this can easily lead to conflict.

Let’s take a look at what you can do to navigate family drama and keep your peace this holiday season.

Before the Holidays

Plan Ahead

No one knows your family like you do – and that means there’s a good chance you know where the landmines are. Use that to navigate your interactions with care and delicacy.

If mom is particularly sensitive about her sweet potatoes, it might be best to say they were delicious even if they could’ve used salt. If you can’t remember a holiday without arguing with your uncle over politics, perhaps sticking to a personal no-politics (or any other controversial topic) rule would do.

You can’t control your family’s behavior, but planning ahead can help you avoid the avoidable.

Resolve Fixable Conflicts in Advance

A longstanding feud might not be helped in the weeks leading up to holiday season, but it could pay to address a recent argument with a specific cause.

If an otherwise good and healthy relationship lately soured over something you (or they) did, a simple text, phone call or in-person visit could go a long way toward repairing any harm done.

Not only might this remove some of the awkwardness between you at your family event, it may also give you more emotional bandwidth if there are other, less reconcilable relationships to manage.

Set Reasonable Expectations

While planning your interactions can help reduce the chances of conflict, every family has its quirks and some of those can’t be changed.

Some families jump to gossip as soon as the black sheep has left the room. Others sprinkle every conversation with a generous layer of sarcasm.

Far short of giving in to potential toxicity, learning to accept your family the way it is can actually empower you to navigate difficult dynamics with care while still maintaining your boundaries.

During the Holidays

Choose Your Battles

Conflict management isn’t about engaging in every conflict and it isn’t about avoiding every conflict. Tact is essential when handling complex relationships.

Not every stray comment or backhanded insult deserves a response. In fact, oftentimes the perpetrator’s only goal is to provoke, and protecting your peace sometimes means taking a breath, grounding yourself and choosing to let it go.

If you feel a response is warranted, choose to do it somewhere with a lower chance of escalation – in private, possibly after the gathering, and preferably without alcohol involved.

Communicate Effectively

A bad response can do more harm than no response at all. If your aunt insults your new shirt and your response is to insult her back, things can quickly spiral out of control.

Take a breath and calmly communicate your feelings. “I-statements” are your friend here; instead of, “You always say the most hurtful things,” try, “I feel really hurt when you say things like that.” You might not get the response you want – an apology, say – but you will have done your part to keep the situation from escalating.

Good communication always involves good listening. Even if a relative’s complaint is rude, their words might contain a legitimate grievance. Listening without judging can help you arrive at some common ground and form the basis of a real resolution.

After the Holidays

If all else fails, eventually the holidays will end and (hopefully) that means you won’t have to see any disagreeable relatives again for another year.

Whatever conflict resolution tips you try, whatever plans you put into place, for some, having a good self-care routine waiting when you get home might be the only thing getting you through a stressful holiday season – and that’s OK!

Some healthy self-care tips to try after the holidays include:

• Eating a healthy, well-balanced meal
• Returning to a regular sleep schedule
• Taking a warm bath
• Unloading your feelings by journaling or talking to a friend

Whatever works for you, showing yourself that even if others don’t respect you, you still do is a powerful practice that can soothe even the deepest wounds.